the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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