The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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