I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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