Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
