hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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