the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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