Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
