when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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