If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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