Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
