You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She told me I should be a condom model.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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