Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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