I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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