Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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