On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
