I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
