Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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