She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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