I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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