I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
