his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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