Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
