he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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