somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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