My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
