Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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