TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
