So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
