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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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