i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
