y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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