so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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