It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
