dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
