I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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