oh god the rape fog is back!
I CAN MOONWALK!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
