ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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