just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We need to get me chipped asap
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