doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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