So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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