remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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