The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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