Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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