Can Purell be used as lube?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
