Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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