Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
