i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
