is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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