i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
