You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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