I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
