There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
