she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
