We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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