She is in my trunk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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