And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
