What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize