Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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